Sometimes the Universe shits all over you. Today was that kind of day!
Say What?
Reliving My Childhood…Please Look Away
When I was little I wanted to be Batman. I think I was 8 years old when I got my first Batman costume. It had the Batman mask (that smelled funny on the inside from wearing it so much), the jumper with painted on utility belt was the bomb but what made the outfit was the cape. Halloween was long over but I still wore my Batman costume to bed every night (my Mom was cool like that!). I was BATMAN!
This isn't me...it's some random Batchild from the 70's. But this was the costume 🙂
I may have mentioned this once or one hundred times to Bean. Because of this it has led to conversations like this one…
Me: “She’s in my spot.”
Bean: “She’s a tiny dog and your Batman…”
Me: “That’s right!!!” (as I triumphantly reclaim my spot on the sofa)
And then it happened….
Bean gave me an early gift….
I Am Batman
I really am Batman!!! Yeah for me. Also I’m actually a 10-year-old trapped in an adult body. To think…she married me anyway…double yeah for me!!!
Lauren Lauren? Poor Girl
What happens when you marry a man with the same last name as your first name? Well you just use an inflection when pronouncing it.
Neil Bush’s daughter is getting married this weekend and she’s marrying David Lauren. Only he’s the son of Ralph Lauren…so there is a swing in the inflection of the last name.
Sometimes you don’t get that cool swing inflection. I went to school with a girl named Kelly who married a man who’s last name is Kelly…she uses her middle name now to kind of brake up the Kelly Kelly. Poor Girl.
…and then I was all…THANK YOU LEONARD
I’m not a person who handles change very well. Sometimes my brain goes into overload and I will just talk to myself like a schizophrenic wandering the vast city. It makes me seem crazier than I really am. One of those changes was when the Sci-Fi Channel changed its logo to SyFy. Why? Is Syfy really that cool? I began pronouncing it Sifee because that’s how it’s spelled. How they get the pronunciation of SCI-FI from SyFy I have no idea but I digress.
Fast forward to last Thursday (2/3/11) Episode of The Big Bang Theory. Leonard Hofstadter posed the same question. I turned to Bean and was all…SEE I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! It was an enlightened moment for me because I was no longer alone in my SyFy confusion!
On the down side. I’ve gone from talking to myself like a schizophrenic to being validated by an imaginary character. That people…That’s PROGRESS! Yeah Me!
My long-lost twin!
I Heart Your not-so-real-self Leonard Hofstadter!
The Plague – Day 213
Okay that’s just an exaggeration. Although since my wife isn’t getting any sleep she might not agree that it’s an exaggeration. The nastier stuff has abated but seriously this cough is annoying to everyone. My poor, poor wife hasn’t slept in over 10 days. I feel awful and there isn’t anything I can do except sleep on the sofa but she’ll still be able to hear me hacking away 😦
Say yes to bunnies and no to the plague!
So again the photos of Plague were too disturbing so I give you bunnies. Just say no to Plague! Damn I need a nap!
In other news it’s going to friggin’ snow again! Winter is a bitch man!
Verizon Owes Me 3 Hours of My Life Back
Since when has Customer Service become the Fuck You Labyrinth of Hell? I had problems with my DSL yesterday. We had suffered a power outage in the area and wanted to check to see if that had anything to do with it. Simple enough right? The answer to that silly question was NO!
I spoke to a call center who asked me to turn everything off and then back on. Yeah okay…got that…it never would have occurred to me [sarcasm I love you]. After much frustration and anger I hung up. Doesn’t that dude call me back. He wants to set up an appointment for the Tech to come out and look at my DSL problem. I told him I didn’t want that and after saying the same pat answer over and over I relinquished. I told him I work and was available from 5-5:30 pm for the tech. His counter offer was…8 to 1 window. Um…I work so I counter his counter with 5-5:30 pm…he countered the counter of the counter with 1 to 5pm. Um…still I’m at work then…then there were several other counters to which I said I don’t frickin’ care anymore. He set up an appointment for Friday. The window on Friday is apparently enormous at 8 am to 7 pm. Why not say Fuck You Asshole I’ve got your balls in a vise. Well you know if I had balls.
Anyway I figured out the problem and we had internet last night. Moving on to Verizon’s hell maze 2.0. I get a call confirming my appointment that I didn’t want to make in the first place. The option was 1 for okay 2 for cancel or changes I hit 2. It was directed to Verizon Wireless. That girl was lovely and stayed on the line talking about snow with me until someone in the DSL department picked up. And when they eventually did I was told they were having problems with their phone lines and she couldn’t transfer me so she gave me a number to call on my own because she couldn’t transfer me. WTF?!? The phone company’s phones are down. I’m not feeling at all confident in them now.
I call the 800# from hell and was on hold the first time for 8 minutes before giving up. I called the second time and was on hold for 10 minutes before I hung up. I call the third time and was on hold for 5 minutes before someone picked up and what transpired next left my blood pressure on boil.
Me: I need to cancel a service call. [several basic questions about my account happened next]
Verizon: I need to check your line.
Me: I just told you my line is working now and that’s why I am canceling the service call.
Verizon: I’m checking your line and it seems to be working okay.
Me: Great now will you cancel my appointment.
Verizon: I need to go into a live chat with someone from that department, please hold.
Me: ugh!
Verizon: They are going to run a test on your line first before they will cancel the appointment.
Me: You just did and it’s working.
Verizon: They have to do it on their end before they can cancel the appointment.
Me: Are you serious? All you have to do is hit cancel the appointment on my account.
Verizon: They are having issues with their equipment and will check your line later and then cancel the appointment. You will receive a call.
Me: I’ve come full circle and seriously this is stupid. I can’t wait to cancel my Verizon service for something else. Anything else would be better than enduring this hell for one more moment.
Verizon: You will receive a call later confirming the cancellation. Just hit option 2.
[insert elevator music here to eclipse the tirade I unleash on this poor man]
Me: No I’m not doing this anymore. Just cancel the appointment. If someone comes out and I’m later charged for the service call I will loose my mind and that would be bad.
Verizon: You won’t be charged. When you receive the call…
Me: (me cutting him off and being rude because I now have an aneurysm) I’m done and hanging up.
Verizon: Uh…okay…have a nice day and thank you for calling Verizon.
In my defense every time I started to get snarky or rude and yell at this poor man I told him I was sorry for my rudeness but Verizon was making me angry.
I’ll never get that part of my life back and I’m currently looking for a new provider. Verizon might not need my business because they are huge but I find it hard to believe I’m the only one this is happening too. So Verizon can suck it and I’ll be moving on…I would like to bill them for my time lost though. They suck!
Did He Just Say Porn?
I admit I have a problem hearing. What I hear isn’t necessarily what is said.
“Did he just say porn?” ‘No…he said Pawn…as in the Chess piece. Dang it woman get your hearing checked!’
What's that you say?
I once had to pay for three theater tickets because I thought my friend said ‘they are coming we should buy them tickets’. What she said was ‘I’m glad I didn’t buy them tickets since they aren’t coming’.
Sometimes what I hear is so funny it makes me chuckle…a lot. Then I just look like a psych patient but it’s okay because I know I’m not actually a psych patient.
In other ADHD moments. I still hate Fridays. Why do they have to suck so much? I mean seriously one would think Fridays would rock. They don’t. And that’s all I’ve got…Fridays suck and I can’t hear. Sheesh…this is the lamest blog post ever.
Enjoy 🙂
The Animals Are Taking Over
The last two days I was off from work and I used my time wisely. I got caught up on All My Children. Poor Caleb just had a confrontation with the son who never knew him about killing the mother that the son never knew and it things weren’t completely awful the kid’s name is Asher. Oh and I took out the trash and recycling. It was a full two days.
I’m always amazed at watching the animals in my local zombie-free zone. Below is what can only be called Squirrel Dumpster Diving.
Homeless squirrel eats from trash can
I didn’t get a picture of the squirrel eating pizza yet but it’s only a matter of time. This little guy would pop in and out of the trash can munching away at whatever goodies he found in there. Do you think the government will start a program for MO Squirrels?
Just call her Mo...George Clooney started it and it stuck
Speaking of MO…Bean was observing the puppies last night and thought it funny how one puppy slept on the floor like a dog and the other on the sofa like a human. All I can say is Mickie saw blanket, pillow and heating pad and called it an evening, lol. She’s Princess Pouchie!
Princess Pouchie from her throne!
In other not animal topics. What I love about autumn is that there is so much color. I give you…SUNSET…autumn style!
No animals in this picture but that’s only because they were headed to the bar after a long day of dumpster diving 😉
On The Road Again…Student Driver Style
I had another whirlwind weekend. They seem to go faster and faster these days. It’s already November for crimenlli. Where did the summer go?
On Saturday Bean and I went out with Mama Bean to do some craft fairs. We got some Thanksgiving decorations which we severely were lacking in. Just for the record…I love the Turkey we got…he’s cute and fits perfectly where the pumpkin was in October!
On the way back from our funtivities we passed this car on the highway. I called out to Bean who was reading a book…what does that sign say? She said ‘Student Driver’. I of course broke out laughing and asked her to grab my bag to get the camera. My lovely assistant Bean took the following pictures…while I drove and laughed!!!
Uh...Hello Student Driver...nice sign 😉
It did occur to me that there was a possibility that this was a Zombie Student Driver but as you can see…they lacked certain Zombie like qualities. The things you see on the highway…it was a nice long chuckle. You go Student Driver…own that road!!!
Ninja’s Stole Our Tin Foil
UPDATE: The tin foil apparently wasn’t stolen by stealthy Ninjas. It was in the way back of the drawer. Bean discovered it .
Today’s post will be a myriad of stuff so if you think you’ve become schizophrenic…you haven’t.
This morning while getting ready to leave for work Bean needed to wrap something in foil before she left. The foil was missing from the customary location in the drawer. She had used it the night before and thought perhaps she didn’t put it back but alas, the foil was no where in the kitchen.
I joined in the search and even looked in the trash can in case it was finished and the box discarded. Nope…no foil or foil box. Bean went to work and I continued the search before I had to leave myself. My only conclusion to this perplexing dilemma is Ninja’s snuck in while we were sleeping and stole our foil!!!
Maybe this guy stole our foil???
I’ve been kind of sad lately. Well its seems my Zombie that walks his Zombie Dog has either moved to warmer climates or got a job. You know how when Zombies move into the neighborhood you are thinking ‘oh great, this can’t be good’. Well my Zombie was pretty cool. I never saw him eat one person’s brains who didn’t want their brains eaten. Goodbye Zombie Bob you will be missed.
Halloween is quickly approaching and the only costume I can think of is being Billy Ray Cyrus. Okay it’s mostly because he’s singing Achy Breaky Heart in my office. Well not personally…he’s on my Mp3 player. Although I have been known to host concert events in my office.
Yesterday a news organization reported a story that it had picked up from ‘the wire’ about a woman who had become pregnant watching 3-D Porn. Okay…stop laughing. Apparently they picked this story up from a humor site and although very funny was very not true. Seriously 3-D Porn is just riddled with safety issues!
What are you looking at?
Also in the news Charlie Sheen went on an alleged drunken/drugged induced craze that included a prostitute, an ex-wife and their two children. Oddly enough…this story is probably true and according to Charlie’s people (you know cause he has people) it was an allergic reaction to his medication. This isn’t even the strangest thing Charlie Sheen’s ever done so I’m not sure why his allergies are news, lol. Perhaps if Gregory House wasn’t his doctor things would be better for the poor guy.
And if that isn’t all enough…it’s raining today. Sheesh! I blame Charlie Sheen…and Zombie Ninjas!!!!
The View Through My Cracked Window 