It happened again yesterday. Someone said “Shut it down, shut it all down”. I of course went back to Ghostbusters.
“Everything was okay until old dickless shutdown the power grid.” ~ Ray Stantz
“Is that true?” ` The Mayor
“Yes, it’s true, this man has no dick.” ~ Peter Vinkman
Some would find my life sad. I find it hysterical. I’m weird like that!
Last night we went out to dinner with some friends and it was a lovely evening of catching up. While waiting for our friends we got a text they were there. We were sitting in our car waiting for them. I assumed that the next car would be them.
“Here they come.” ~ Me
“Honey, I don’t remember him being an Asian woman.” ~ Bean
“He’s not an Asian woman? Are you sure?” ~ Me
“Positive.” ~ Bean
“Oh wait, there they are…, lol” ~ Me
Our waitress who was very nice was having many issues. First she dropped one of our salads that shattered on the floor. Oh well these things happen. There were other things that were odd about her service. We chalked it off to her probably being new.
We ordered a desert that has the word “flaming” in it. When she brought it she dumped the flamed liquid on to the desert. I became alarmed when some of the flammable liquid dropped on my hands. I really thought for a second I might catch fire…you know…since the table was on fire along with the dessert. She giggled while trying to extinguish the table.
“I don’t remember it being on fire so much?” ~ Bean
“It’s because I like fire.” ~ Waitress
[Insert nervous laughter here]
She then went on to say wouldn’t it be funny if I burned down the restaurant and then I came back to work. It was here that we pointed out a) you’d probably get fired for burning down the restaurant and b) if you burn it down there is no restaurant to come back too. She laughed and went on her way.
It was definitely a very interesting evening filled with laughs.
“Sorry I accidentally punched you in the boob.” ~ Me
“It’s okay. Actually it’s the best thing that has happened to me so far today.” ~ Momonator
“Wow…that’s harsh.” ~ Me
“Eh…” ~ Momonator
That is so not a good day…just saying.
I say things I don’t realize are funny. My wife said she likes when I make her laugh.
“I smell funny.” ~ Me
“I don’t smell anything.” ~ Bean
“I smell like BO and herbs…I don’t remember eating any herbs.” ~ Me
(Laughter) ~ Bean
“What’s so funny?” ~ Me
“You don’t remember eating any herbs? Who says that?” ~ Bean
“I’ll get your vitamins.” ~ Me
“You can’t reach them.” ~ Bean
“I use those tongs in the drawer.” ~ Me
(Laughter) ~ Bean
“What did you eat?” ~ Bean
“I didn’t eat anything.” ~ Me
“No, really what did you eat?” ~ Bean
“I didn’t eat anything. Why what does my breath smell like?” ~ Me
“I don’t know.” ~ Bean
“I threw up. Is that the smell?” ~ Me
We had these conversations in less than an hour of each other. I say some weird stuff. Hey she seems to love me anyway. Yeah for me!
Every once in a while I hear the funniest stuff. Sometimes it is someone I know or other times a complete stranger. I try to write them down so I can’t forget them. Here are a couple…
Big Tuna talking to his iPhone: Screw you Siri!
Me talking to WW about ringtones on her phone.
Me: What’s my Ringtone?
Bean: HA HA HA HA
Me: That’s harsh.
While watching Chopped:
Jeffrey: I find this dessert too sweet.
Alex: I find it sweet too.
Me: It’s the dessert round you idiots!!!!
Tom: Are they the Pep Boys?
Me: No that’s Edgar Allen Poe, James Joyce and a Nun.
Over heard at Denny’s:
Little boy to his father: I’m a vegetarian…I want some ham.
Over heard at Peddler’s Village:
Pretentious Lady: Do you sell sunglasses for dogs?
An African-American guy I know:
Charles: I’m blushing like a chocolate covered strawberry.
Halloween is my Christmas. Autumn is the most awesome time of the year! What does this all mean…Fun and Frolic has commenced!!!
This weekend we went to Peddler’s Village for the Scarecrow festival. Very Cool.
While waking out of the “pet store” in the village I actually heard a woman ask….
“Do you sell sunglasses for dogs?” That my friends is just crazy stuff…but then again I dress my dogs up at Halloween for a photo-op…so there you have it.
The other day Bean and Wonder Woman came over for lunch. The lunch was scumpdilious thanks for asking. I have a bobble head on my desk (oh, like you don’t…pahlease). Wonder Woman said ‘is that Elton John?’ (she could only see the side of him). Bean and I had a chuckle and Bean explained it was Dwight from The Office. She then gave him a name tag that I’ve been looking at the last few days…
Wait let me look at my name tag…
And Bjorn being a celebrity whore was all over it being in the pictures. Don’t you just hate him sometimes!
Or maybe it was just an opportunity to show off his new sunglasses. Either way I’m making him sit in trunk when we go home today.
Quote of the Day:
“You can’t bring me down. I’m fully medicated.” ~ Bernie Mac
You know how I love quotes? Oh you don’t well live and learn my friends. I’m obsessed! Well I’m obsessed with words in general. I have favorite words I like to use from time to time like…Obsequious or cat. It just depends on my mood. So now that you have no freaking idea what I’m talking about because I have no freaking idea what I’m talking about on to the quotes:
“Who was Joan of Arc?” ~ Teacher
“Um…Noah’s wife.” ~ Student
“Sean you don’t even know the Bible do you?” ~ Gus
“Sure I do…Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Do…Do-the-right-thing…” ~ Sean, Psyche
“Remind me to tell you about the time I looked into the heart of an Artichoke.” ~ Margo Channing, All About Eve
“I am in fact a huge weirdo.” ~ Gazpacho, Chowder
“OCD much?” ~ Elle Greenaway
“More like OMG.” ~ Derek Morgan, Criminal Minds
“Hello anybody lose there secret CIA shit?” ~ Burn After Reading
“Sarge, I know what you did for me. I know how far you carried me.” ~ Teddy Parker’s Ghost, Bones
“I did leave the Country. I went to New York.” ~ Jack Devereaux, Days of Our Lives
“Choose between yesterday and tomorrow.” ~ Time In A Bottle
“I read you were shot five times in the tabloids.” ~ Nora Charles
“It’s not true…he never got anywhere near my tabloids.” ~ Nick Charles, The Thin Man
“Frannie is there anything I can get you?” ~ John
“Yeah, yesterday and most of today.” ~ Frannie, Hotel New Hampshire
“How’s your life?” ~ High School Friend
“In Progress.” ~ Martin Blank, Gross Pointe Blank
And to get me through the day….
“I need a Riddlin smoothy.” ~ Carsen Kressley, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
In other news Bean is still wearing flip-flops but now they are pink.
To celebrate the Nation’s Birthday I of course went to the bar. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea…I just like the atmosphere at the bar. I was behaving myself, for a change, when my new friend Robert turns to me and says…”We are all doing a shot!”. I haven’t done shots since I was in my twenties, which of course was a very long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. I told Robert this and his response was…”I don’t care, I bought it, you drink it…that’s how it works”. I could find no fault with his logic. In fact, it kind of overwhelmed me…so I drank the shot. OMFG! That was some awesome shit! Seriously, if I had known about this “Snickers” shot I would have been doing it long ago and probably would have become an Alcoholic. Okay so it’s probably actually a good thing I didn’t know about it…look how easily I was lead to drink it.
It was fun last night meeting new people and talking about interesting things like what Karaoke song to sing. Reba McEntire’s Fancy is always a bold choice, just saying. The saddest part of my evening was when I had to stop drinking. Robert asked me why I stopped drinking…I told him I had to drive. With a twinkle in his eye he told me…”You should have cabbed it baby then we could be doing shots all night”! Sadly, I left my friends singing karaoke and doing shots of Jagermeister and thinking…next time I cab it baby.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“Hey guys one more thing, hey this summer when you’re inundated with all this American Bicentennial brew-ha-ha. Don’t forget what you’re celebrating and that’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic white males didn’t want to pay their taxes.” ~ Janie the teacher
“Yeah!!” ~ Randall “Pink” Floyd, Dazed and Confused