Camping is something I’ve done in my youth but have not tried since. Probably because I hate the outdoors. I like things like Air conditioning and plumbing. Yeah, I’m weird like that. So here is a little list I’ve comprised as to why I don’t camp…outside. I’m all for setting up a tent in my living room.
- Bugs. I hate Bugs…they suck.
- Accidentally eating spiders. Dude it happens. Apparently indoors a person accidentally eats 8 spiders a year. You know…Accidentally while asleep and shit.
- Dirt. I don’t like dirt in my house why would I intentionally sleep on it?
- Dampness. Seriously, do I need to feel like God pissed on me directly when I wake up in the morning?
- Being eaten by Bears or Squirrels. It could totally happen…I saw it on NCIS once.
- Bugs and Spiders.
- Lack of comfy bedage. I don’t care how great a blow up mattress they give me it’s still sleeping outdoors in the a fore mentioned crap!
So there you have it folks. All of my paranoia wrapped in a neat list with bullet points ;0) You’ll have to excuse me for a bit as I need to sit on the patio and have a bottle of wine with the bugs.