“…while I pondered weak and weary.” This is how I feel. This is the third morning in a row of unbroken rest. It plays with the emotions, being so exhausted. So much so that the last dream I had was me looking at the alarm. Or was it a dream…was I awake? Who knows but I do know I’m dog tired.
I’ve had pain in my life for almost 8 years now. It started with the surgeries and after about 2 yrs. recovery things were getting back to as normal as possible. Now its something else. At first I thought I could get used to the chronic pain…I was wrong. I take injections once a week for the disease. I take oral medications twice a day for the disease. And some days (generally warm sunny ones) I feel good. But right now on this cold, windy, rainy day it’s beating me.
I shouldn’t complain because my disease won’t kill me, it will slow my life goals maybe but so what. It bugs me when I complain because I know that people out there have so many more burdens than I. I also know that if I could get some sleep I wouldn’t be all whiny and annoying to others. That the pain wouldn’t be as intense if I could just get some sleep. Ah beautiful sleep!
I think I’ll take some Sarah McLachlan to work with me…if I’m going to be maudlin I feel I should be able to sing along to the same sort of music.